I aim

A re-post from a previous blog, as you might see on the date I was around 15 when writing this.

Grab me, toss me, push me, drown me
In a chaotic world, my mind is the chaos itself
When I’m drowning, I won’t scream, I sink
What a pity

If you are the ocean, I am titanic
I aimed for the iceberg
to be surrounded by your presence
I am a disgrace

I am a scientist, hopelessly searching
for the combination to my own heart
the only thing I want to discover is you
what a distaste

Call me mad, or call me a genius
for me, they are the same
either way, yell my name and I’ll be both
what a fool I am

I am drowning in your presence
I long for the ocean when I’m away
Knock me out, push me down
How careless I am

I am a painter with only one painting
Brushing ever so gently
I leave bruises on my skin
what a mess I’ve made

Drop me, I am in pieces,
putting myself together
piece by piece, hoping you won’t see
how fragile and weak I am

Brush me aside, push me away, yell, scream
My mind ticking, my lungs weaken
too many pieces missing
I sank

I won’t scream
I remember how much I missed the ocean
“Pick yourself up!”
Too many pieces missing, screaming

Help me, pinch me, remind me I’m alive
You’ve made me mad, for I am definitely
not a genius for pouring this venom down my throat
So soothing, swaying, I can’t breathe

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