Accidental prejudice

I live in Norway where most citizens are A-OK with gays, even the laws are on our side. Even though I believe I, as a gay woman, have it great here and am supported by most, I have picked up some attitudes and prejudice that many aren’t aware that they have, and they really don’t mean any harm by them either.

I believe that we should always follow the sentence “we have it ok” with the question “but should we simply stop at okay, or strive to be great?”

I’m not here to tell anyone that they’re a homophobe, or that they are inherently doing anything wrong, but rather make them aware that their accidental prejudice can make them seem like they are a tad homophobic. The comments and attitudes are ones I’ve encountered personally (and some my partner have), and these instances aren’t the bad ones or dangerous ones. It’s the small ones that aren’t meant negatively, but have a root in prejudice or attitude that they probably weren’t aware that they had, and if told they would probably change.

“I respect you, but I believe being gay is wrong.”

It’s fine that your faith disagrees with my existence, I actually don’t mind that much because you’re honest about it, and as long as you don’t try to remove my rights we can live in peace. But here’s the thing, if you don’t respect who I love, my struggle and my future that will likely be super gay, you don’t actually respect me so let’s not pretend that you do.

“How do you have sex?”

Well, I’m all for better sex education and will actually often answer, however, If I don’t know you, you just seem like a perv. The answer I give is quite simple; If you don’t know any other way to have sex with a girl than repeatedly putting your dick inside her, I feel sorry for the women you’ve slept with.

“But if you use strap-ons/dildos, why don’t you just sleep with a man?”

This is one question my partner received, and believe it or not you can actually enjoy penetrative sex even if you don’t like men. You see, a strap-on/dildo is not shaped like a dick, it is shaped according to a vagina (much like a dick) and most importantly there is not a man attached to it.

“But don’t you want any real children?”

If you see adoptive children as any less real that is your problem, not mine.

“It’s fine that you’re gay, but do you really have to tell everyone?”

Yeah, that’s kind of lying and hiding who I am, and suppressing who you are is really damaging.

These are some of the most recent comments I (or my partner) have encountered, and they didn’t mean any harm. However, being put on trial daily is exhausting whether it is well-meaning or not. Many of the lgbtq+ community experience comments and questions like these, and let me repeat, even though they mean no harm, we cannot afford to let them slide. Because in most cases, they simply aren’t aware that the comments or questions can be hurtful, and if you make them aware they might catch themselves next time.

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